Poetry, Portfolio

Hands

There was always so much world to catch
And so little skin to hold them in
I had trouble reaching notes on the piano
And I almost never won at thumb wars
I could never hold onto many things
I could never hold onto many hands
I wondered if there was a connection
People seemed to always be out of my reach
Maybe if I stretched my fingers far enough
I could touch them again
So I tried that and I failed
These bones just don’t want to grow

When I hold big hands I feel safe
I wonder how my small hands feel
There isn’t enough flesh to hide secrets
So perhaps that makes me feel honest
I may never know for sure
But I do know that you loved my hands
You buried your face in them and kissed them
Like they were the best thing you’ve ever smelled
Which made sense because they smelled like food
I remember holding you as I cried
And you licked the tears off my hands
You were the weirdest hamster that I’ve ever met

But you were also the sweetest
And you were never short on affection
You taught me how to stop hating my hands
How could I hate something that you loved?
They weren’t big enough to scare you
They weren’t small enough to drop you
Or so hard you couldn’t bite them
And they always wanted to feed you
They always wanted to hold you
And stroke your soft fur
Even when there wasn’t much of it left
They still do

They are still tempted to tear out
The cyst or tumour that took you away
They still reach out for you
Before realising that it was just a dream

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